Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Lesson Learned

The Holy Spirit revealed to me this morning that I have "possessiveness issues." Not a happy discovery, but I'm thankful He is holding me accountable. I must say that I was somewhat taken aback when He brought this to my attention.

It came about last night when Rog told me he wanted to borrow my car today in order to drive folks to the voting polls, who might otherwise be unable to go. Normally, I really don't have a problem with other people using our stuff when necessary and will even offer things up myself when I sense a need.

When Rog shared this information with me, however, I instantly became demanding and basically commanded, "Fine! But you cannot..." and proceeded to list a number of restrictions on whom he would and would not be able to transport - no smokers, no children, no food in the car, etc. Shameful behavior, I agree, but at the time I felt like a mother bear trying to protect her cub. Why? Because my car is new-to-me (we've only had it for about 6 weeks) and it is the "youngest" vehicle we've ever owned (4 years old) and in immaculate condition. So I was possessive.

What surprised me most, was the vehemence of my attitude -- I could have said basically the same things, but in a much calmer and more respectful tone. Instead, I lashed out. Not good. Roger, bless him, remained agreeable and seemed to sense that my foul mood would quickly blow over. Which it did, about 15 minutes later. I still felt the same, but I was very sorry for lashing out and said so to my Husband. Rog has a kind and compassionate heart for others -- this is one of the qualities that drew me to him 15 years ago and one of the things I still love about him today. I'm sure my attitude was a disappointment to him, but to his credit, he didn't argue back or take on an ugly mood himself. Just remained calm in the midst of my storm.

It was much later - this morning, in fact - that the Holy Spirit spoke to me about last night's blowup...


"Remember one of the things (pastor) Tim spoke about in his message on Sunday? About how none of you "own" anything because it all belongs to Me? I have appointed you steward of many things, Daughter, but you are only a caretaker of them - not the owner and possessor. The Blazer is one of those things. It doesn't belong to you, but I have placed it in your care. For now. Since it actually belongs to Me, don't you think I should use it as I see fit? If I choose to use this vehicle to help others, it is not your place to refuse. I do not bestow blessings for you to keep them to yourself, but to share with others. When I make you a steward over a large home or a newer, dependable vehicle, it's not so you can 'possess' these things and hoarde them for yourself, but rather they are meant to be shared and used for My glory and to benefit others in need. Remember this, Daughter. It is my great pleasure to bless you with things that bring you great pleasure -- but only so you can share them with others and show them My love. Remember the title of Tim's message - Blessed to be a Blessing."

Okay, Lord. Message received. I shared all this with Rog this morning as we were driving to the polls. He didn't make any comment, but I'm sure he was thinking - "It's about time!" As it turned out, Rog wasn't needed after all to drive anyone around today. Apparently, his services would have been needed if the weather had been bad - too cold or too snowy - but we've had clear skies for the last several days and today was no different. Knowing that made me feel worse, rather than better. I had made a fool of myself for no reason. But isn't that the way it usually happens?

LiC - kim